A momentous day. The big CEO presentation day, the showdown, the Thrilla in PowerPoint, the Demo for The Ages, the time to fish or cut bait, shit or get off the pot, get him to sign on the line which is dotted, close the motherfucking deal, make the bastard believe, make him buy what you are selling, make him buy you, who you are, why you are, why you are valuable to the company, to humanity, to him personally. Make him know why you should continue to take up cube space, a parking space, have lunch at the subsidized employee café, breathe company air, why your name shouldn’t be on the next layoff list.
Look at my shit. Buy my shit. You cocksucker. I’m going to make you money. I’m going to help you keep your job, your ugly yellow Lamborghini, your trophy wife who seems as dumb as bag of hammers. You putz. You empty suit. You waste of a good head of hair. Go fuck yourself.
And support my product. Give me lots of money to make it. And a big marketing budget would be nice.
Thank you.
Showing posts with label presentation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label presentation. Show all posts
Friday, April 09, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Corporate Vocabulary #1 – Schadenfeedbackrude
Today’s word is a derivative from the German compound word “Schadenfreude,” which is the peculiar and slightly guilty pleasure one takes from misfortunes of others. Leave it to the German to define that particularly ugly human emotion.
In the corporate world, we have “Schadenfeedbackrude,” which is the pleasure one takes from the negative feedback someone else gets.
For instance, say a co-worker, a friendly competitor, or your boss is up in front of an audience pitching a presentation, clicking through those PowerPoint slides, feeling so good about how wonderful it is to be on stage and spewing highly polished bullshit.
And then, feedback lightning strikes, a senior exec in the audience calls bullshit, criticizes logic flaws in the plan, complains that the research methods are invalid or that the choice of fonts and colors is atrocious.
"Oh god, if I see Tohoma Bold ever again I'll just claw my eyes out!" (Hardcore PowerPointers are passionate about fonts. And don't get them started on animations.)
The presenter deflates. His eyes fill with panic and hurt. He gets defensive. You can see his soul suffering. Wetting his pants is not out of the question.
And maybe your presentation, the one before his, wasn’t so great, but wasn't tied to a stake and stoned. In fact, in comparison, you’re looking pretty damn good.
That feeling warming in your chest that makes the air taste good? That urge to lift the corners of your mouth into a slight, almost imperceptible smile?
That, warriors, is Schadenfeedbackrude.
In the corporate world, we have “Schadenfeedbackrude,” which is the pleasure one takes from the negative feedback someone else gets.
For instance, say a co-worker, a friendly competitor, or your boss is up in front of an audience pitching a presentation, clicking through those PowerPoint slides, feeling so good about how wonderful it is to be on stage and spewing highly polished bullshit.
And then, feedback lightning strikes, a senior exec in the audience calls bullshit, criticizes logic flaws in the plan, complains that the research methods are invalid or that the choice of fonts and colors is atrocious.
"Oh god, if I see Tohoma Bold ever again I'll just claw my eyes out!" (Hardcore PowerPointers are passionate about fonts. And don't get them started on animations.)
The presenter deflates. His eyes fill with panic and hurt. He gets defensive. You can see his soul suffering. Wetting his pants is not out of the question.
And maybe your presentation, the one before his, wasn’t so great, but wasn't tied to a stake and stoned. In fact, in comparison, you’re looking pretty damn good.
That feeling warming in your chest that makes the air taste good? That urge to lift the corners of your mouth into a slight, almost imperceptible smile?
That, warriors, is Schadenfeedbackrude.
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